PRiNCESS MAHiA

I find myself constantly thinking about him. Every night I cry myself to sleep cause I just want to be with him and I just want him to feel for me an ounce of what I feel for him. Everyone tells me that I should just forget him and move on but it isn’t that simple. All my friends say that I deserve better and that he isn’t worth all this pain and hurt… but why do I feel like he is? Why does my heart choose to hold on and have hope that some day it’ll work between us?

He’s the first guy that made me feel… like really made me feel. He’s the first guy that made my heart skip a beat and took over my thoughts and dreams. He’s the first guy I really wanted with everything that I have and am. If he asked, I would have given up the world for him. I would have left everyone and everything behind just to be with him. It sounds crazy, I know. But he meant more to me then I could have ever imagined.

Then I found out he lied. He called me a naive kid because I believed him and the lies he told. But I just never thought he would lie to me… that’s why I always believed everything he said. He said that his lies were small and didn’t matter but they weren’t and they did… but I still forgave him for all that. I didn’t care. He told me that he never wanted a relationship with me. But I remember the times he would say that maybe someday we could give “us” a shot. He said so many things that killed me inside but I still can’t hate him.

I know he isn’t the same guy I fell for. I fell for the character that he was playing and he’s just the actor. But in my heart I keep hoping that the character he played lives within the actor.

I don’t know what exactly it means to fall in love but I’m pretty sure this is as close as it gets. I’m at the point where all I think about is him. All I care about is making him happy. Nothing else matters as much as he does. Isn’t that what it means to love someone?

He was and is my first love. No amount of lies, pain or hurt can ever change that. I still care about him. More than I’ve ever cared about anything else. I just wish he saw that no other girl will ever love him and care about him the way I do.

Right now, once again, I’m laying in bed thinking about him and just missing him. I wish he would just talk to me. It’s like my day isn’t complete unless I’ve heard from him… but now I’m scared I’ll never hear from him again and the rest of my days will go on being incomplete.